I also need to warn the males that childbirth is not a sexy process. So you may want to just close this page up too. I want to be real and it's not pretty!
I have waited to write this post for a time when I am not so emotional. I can now see that time may never come so what better time to write it than the day our miracle was supposed to arrive. To start out I must say that no one prepared me for the emotions becoming a mother would bring. Shame on you guys! Maybe I could have at least warned Daniel or had plenty of tissues handy. But anyways, let's start from the beginning.
Wednesday September 14th
It's about 4 am and I wake up to an urgent need to pee. However, it looks like I woke up a little too late. I pee and get back into the bed because of course I have to work and here I am up at 4 am. I woke up again at 5:30 and nearly peed myself again. I decided to go ahead and get ready for work because it looked like it was going to be a long day. I got ready and continued to leak "pee" so I put a pad on and thought how embarrassing???? I mean I had been warned about sneezing but just standing around. I packed a few pads just in case... I also for some crazy reason decided to pack my make-up into a small bag. I was fine the whole way to work but I could tell as soon as I got out of the car that walking around was going to be rough. I mean how do I explain to my co workers that I needed to change scrub pants because I couldn't hold my pee. I got report and had already filled up a pad. I then began to think that maybe just maybe this wasn't pee. I asked a few girls what they thought and they told me to walk over to MEU and get checked out. So I did. They dipped the fluid and weren't convinced so they wanted to do a pelvic exam. So i have been to this rodeo before a few weeks back and it was no fun. Speculum and pregnant Jennifer are not friends. So I go into full blown fit throwing while they are trying to get the speculum in and my water full on breaks. All into the floor. So needless to say I wasn't going back to work. I texted Daniel to tell him he needed to come ASAP. He of course was the smart one and went home to grab some stuff. Since we had NOTHING ready he did a pretty good job.
This is where things become a blur. They asked if I wanted an epidural. I hadn't even felt a contraction. I asked, "now??" and they said sure! I waited quite a while in MEU until a room was open in L&D. Daniel had made his way to the hospital at this point. It wasn't long before anesthesia came in to do the epidural. It was a breeze compared to the speculum exam. Have I mentioned that I was completely closed at this point. Not dilated at all. I went pretty much all day and nothing. I have friends and family in to visit which was nice. But Zander had started some drama and then left the party. As the day went on with membranes ruptured a c-section was thrown around. I knew 24 hours was the cut-off usually so I was getting nervous. I had not really cared before about c-section versus vaginal. But as soon as they said c-section my emotions went haywire. I wanted to keep going and see what happened. So on into the night a doctor came in and still closed. He wanted to manually dilate and i must say I LOVE EPIDURALS!! I didn't feel a thing.
Friday September 16th
After this I was at 2 cm for a while. Baby was sitting very very low but my cervix (I hate you cervix!!) was not cooperating. During the night I continually was asked to move from side to side. Zander's heart rate kept dropping. I reacted very easily to the Pitocin. Like I am pretty sure they had to turn it off for a while because I was having contractions back to back and Zander did not like that. (Once again I Love Epidurals) I can't remember exactly what time they checked me maybe 4 and I had progressed to 6cm. They wanted to check me again at six. I can remember I told my nurse that I could feel just a mild cramping (not to complain) and when she checked me I was at 9.5. They also check the epidural to see why I was beginning to feel things. They did the ice test and I could feel it in places that I did not need to. So they told me if I were to have a c-section I would need a spinal but
it should be fine for vaginal. Things went into motion. Everyone ran out of the room for fear they might see my privateness and my Mom and Daniel stayed. Did I mention I did not sleep at all the night before due to being moved from side to side constantly?? So of course the intense tiredness hits me at the moment I have to push this human out of me. I remember pushing a few times when suddenly this doctor i had never seen before who looked 12 runs in a yells, "hand me a vacuum, call back up." Do what?!? A vacuum? Back up? Working in the NICU you see some scary stuff caused by a vacuum. They try the vacuum three times and nothing. I have never been so scared in my life. The doctor then yells out that we need to go for an emergency c-section. I went into full blown panic knowing my epidural had slipped out. Thankfully a wonderful doctor came in and calmed the room down. She wanted to give me a chance to do this thing vaginally. To say this was the hardest thing I have ever done is an understatement. I was exhausted and had not more energy left, but I knew my baby was at risk. I even fell asleep snoring in between pushing. (That lightened the mood) I gave up multiple times begging them to just cut him out. They encouraged me and cheered me on. Daniel fed me ice chips and I even got them to cut the light out so I could watch in the mirror above me. This gave me so much motivation (before I thought NO Way!) because I could see his hair and knew he was close. I gave it one last push and there he was. Blue and beautiful. (not really. he looked pretty bad at first lol) The doctor fumbled with the cord and it seemed like a lifetime before I heard him cry. And finally he was there, on my chest, the best feeling in the world. I cannot even put into words the feeling of him there. He was the most beautiful thing. And the hair!! Made all the heart burn worth it. I feel like this is all over the place but I needed to put it down on paper before it all slips away from me. So far motherhood is not easy but I would not trade anything for it. I can't imagine life without this little one.
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