So after looking back through my blog from the last IVF go around I feel like dejavu. I wrote almost the same thing after the third ultrasound last time. I have had this hunch that things were not going well, but I have been trying to stay positive. From what I could tell on the ultrasound from Wednesday there just wasn't a lot going on. They hold the lab values hostage online for two days so I thought to look at the estrogen level from Wednesday on the way to the doctor this am. It was only 108. It seems low to me so this was the first question I had for the doctor this morning. She said that it was good as long as it was over 100. Of course I was right over the hump. So of course I start getting nervous. She looked at my lining and it was great. Moving on to the right ovary showed two nice sized follicles. Two... that's it. Her exact words were, "I would like to see 10 there but we have what we have." Why can't my ovaries be exceptional...just this once!! So we move on over to the left side and it was playing incognito. It was kind of funny at first, but 15 minutes and two doctors later digging a vaginal ultrasound rod around in there it quit being funny. They found nothing. And of course they said that usually when an ovary cannot be found that means that nothing is growing on it. Nothing!! After thousands of dollars of medication and there is nothing there?? And then she says the words... "Do not be sad about this, your left ovary is just expensive" Hah!! Have you met me, the crazy hormonal lady on drugs that make me an emotional wreck?? I mean yes I hold it together through all of this stuff, but one inkling of negativity and I fall apart. The doctor tells me that I will probably start the drug that pretty much puts my reproductive system on pause tonight and will continue the other drugs until Monday. I will then come in for another ultrasound and blood work to see if things have progressed. Can I also mention that the nice lab lady blew my vein in my hand which also made me cry. I am telling you I am going crazy.
One of the doctors calls later to tell me that my estrogen is 421 which probably means I have around 4 nice follicles right now. I ask what happens if things don't look better by Monday and he says that we will cross that bridge when we get there. Yes we will, but I need time to think about it and come to terms if they decide to cancel this cycle. I work Monday and I do not want to be basket case all day! That will not look good. I want all my options and possibilities. But I guess we will be waiting till Monday!
I came home and started cooking. I had this vision last week to make all of these meals I can freeze and cook later. So far this weekend I have made two pans of Chicken Tetrazzini, Chicken and Dressings, Two Pot Roasts. and 8 chimichangas for work. Tomorrow I plan to make a pan of baked spaghetti and baked ziti and homeade hot pockets. After I got through with my cooking I have relaxed with my little dogs which always makes me feel better.
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