Hoping for an awesome new year!

I mean I hate to say it but it can't be too hard for my family to have a better year in 2016. 2015 has left me bruised and scarred. From two bouts of skin cancer, to an early miscarriage and to end the year with a dog bite and stitches. It has been hard, but we have gotten through it. We have so much to look forward to next year. We are on the books to see a new fertility doctor at the end of January. We are hoping to have a new perspective on our issues and maybe find some answers. Also hoping for the Crimson Tide to bring the state another National Championship!! Roll Tide. I will also be welcoming a nephew to the world this year. Excited to be an Aunt and to spoil little Jayden to death!! March will start a whole new dog show season and we are hoping to take these lowly bulldogs to new heights. Taz became a Dad this year and produced a litter of beautiful puppies!! We are hoping to start the process of getting our house ready for a baby in the next couple of months. Praying for God's guidance on pursuing adoption by the end of the year. Thanks for all of the support from our family and friends and cannot wait to share the next years journey with you guys!!

It's still raining

I keep thinking that things can't get any worse. Failed cycles, unwanted periods, skin cancer, cervical cancer and debt piling up. I have learned to keep a smile on my face and how to get through conversation without breaking into tears (most of the time) I never anticipated that this would be my fate. I want it so bad it hurts. All my cycle buddies are leaving me in the dust. Every one of them ends up pregnant.  I knew this cycle wouldn't work. It was doomed from the start. We had already decided to try at the first of the year when my drugs would be partially paid for again. I didn't anticipate my doctor suggesting we quit. She doesn't think I should put myself through the emotional torture of another cycle. I agree, I don't know how I can take anymore bad news. But I have one more try in me.  I mentioned that we have touched on the idea of adoption and she snagged that idea with her fingernails and hung on. "I want you to have the family you dream of" I do too! But is it so bad to want to have a baby bump? To go through hours of torturous labor? To have my RNICU buddies waiting to hear "Peds needed to room so and so."  I suggested embryo or egg donors and said she thought that was a bad idea because she is afraid I will not be able to have a viable pregnancy due to my crappy cervix. We are so torn. We are considering a second opinion, but our fertility clinic doctors  and nurses are like a second family. But I have to put us first. We will have to start the whole process over. Pay to have test redone. Is that the right plan? Or should I give up on the idea of having a child of my own and go straight to adoption? And always wonder what if? I feel like we have one more try in us, but will that just leave us completely empty?

Last shot this cycle

So tonight was my last shot of this cycle. I am praying that it is my last shot of HCG I will ever need. This cycle has been a disaster. The devil has had his hand in this since the first birth control pill I took. I know that with God I can overcome any obstacle the enemy throws at me. He has made me feel like a failure. He has made me feel hopeless. He has made me feel angry. But I am working on holding my head high and allowing my heart to feel hopeful. We received the news that we had figured we would get on Thursday. Dr believes an IUI is our best bet. They do not seem very optimistic, but there is a chance this can work. It's better than completely giving up on this cycle because thanks to my hateful cervix, sperm cannot get in there the natural way. (Sorry TMI)

So tonight I gave myself my trigger shot which will make my body ovulate and Sunday morning we will be completing our 7th IUI. Yes 7th. Seven used to be my lucky number in sports so maybe this is it. Keep me in your prayers as I will have to wake Daniel up at 6 Sunday morning so he can do his contribution to the cause. Pray for good sperm count, a happy open cervix and a receptive follicle or two in there. Pray for our sanity as we complete yet another two week wait. Pray that we give a whole new meaning to Thanksgiving this year. 

Sad face

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I keep waiting for good news so I can share with you guys, but it doesn't come. I tend to do that. There are so many people I keep at a distance because I can't wait to tell them I am pregnant, but it never happens. So here it goes... I went to my day 3 of stims check-up. Couldn't see anything on the ultrasound which I thought was kind of fishy. The doctor talked to me like I haven't been throught this how many times... 9 times including IUI's and IVF's. There usually isn't much action, but something is there. When the labwork came back it confirmed... nothing. Usually day 3 estrogen is 100 or so. It was 26.  So we continued the plan because once again I am maxed out on meds and I would come back day 6. Once again nothing... Nada, zero negative. This doctor knew that I knew. I cried and felt sorry for myself. Why can't this happen for me? Why can't I be a Mommy? My labwork came back a little better at 126. This gave them hope and they requested I keep going on meds. Let me remind you that we only had to pay about $1000 for meds this time thanks to awesome people donating meds to me and the leftovers from last cycle. We were so excited to catch a break on expense this round. Oh how the devil can get you. So I came back to doctor yesterday and was happy to actually see some follicles. There weren't very many, but it was progress. Just not enough. I already knew it was coming. Daniel and I had discussed that this is it for us for a while. So we had to make it count and three or four follicles wasn't cutting it. My estrogen went up to 600 and they wanted me to do two more nights of meds. So tomorrow is the day. Last ultrasound. Doctors have already confirmed that it will probably be changed to Intrauterine insemination, which is only about $280 dollars, but we wasted about $7000 of meds on this bust cycle. What if this is it for me? What if my ovaries are finally done? What if I am never a Mom? That feeling has started to sink it and it hurts. I don't know if I can do it. A life without a baby. Yes I know adoption is there and I don't mind that. I wouldn't mind adopting a baby, but I want one of my own. I know it's selfish, but I want a baby bump. I want morning sickness. I want to have a gender reveal. Heck I even want stretch marks (that aren't fat induced). I want to wear maternity jeans with the stretchy waste band. I want to feel my baby move inside of me. I want a child that shares mine and Daniels DNA. It just sucks and it has always felt surreal, but you can only be told no so many times before it finally hits you right in the heart.

This is the start of something beautiful

This morning was the officialy start to my forth attempt at IVF. I came in before work and got my lovely ultrasound and blood work done. The doctor saw 5-6 follicles on both sides which is a good start, but also saw a left over follicle/cyst. They just called and said my estrogen was normal so the unknown object isn't a problem and we are good to go! I start Lupron tomorrow and Gonal-F and Menopur on Sunday.With yesterday honoring Pregnancy and Infant Loss, I am grateful to have the opportunity to try this again and hopefully will be the start of a happy ending! I want to thank everyone again on ordering through my 31 party. After making $500 through that, getting a bonus at work and selling my extra Taylor Swift tickets we are well on our way to paying off our second cycle! After researching and making deals on a special site, I came away with spending minumal on drugs this go around. We did decide to hold of on the yard sale till the Spring. With my grandmother not feeling great last week and football season, it has been hard to coordinate a time with my parents and helpers. Keep the prayers coming and I will update you guys as information comes. My next ultrasound will be the 21st so I won't know much till then. Retrieval will tentatively be the last week of October.

https://www.gofundme.com/ycac5g

BCP Stands for...

Batsh** Crazy Person. Sorry for my french but the people who came up with this drug knew that and has been hiding it from us all along. When I was in high school and college I was extremely emotional, ask anyone who knew me then. Even had a stent on nerve pills and depression pills. When I came off to start trying to conceive I was healed. Now I am not saying I am not emotional at times. With this journey, things tend to get emotional. But you can ask my hubby, I feel like I have handled things rather well. Until it is time for the bloody birth control pill portion of the cycle. I hate it! I would rather give myself 4 shots a day than take these things. But unfortunately it is part of the process. And I started it this past weekend!! One step closer to making another Baby Vines! Thankfully this time I am not taking them nearly as long. I should start my injections on the 16th. I have an appointment on the 8th to do another trial transfer to make sure there are not any blockages that have occurred since March. Fun stuff!! Cannot wait to wear all the cute socks I have accumulated over the last couple months!
I also wanted to thank everyone that bough and supported from my Thirty-One party! We made $502 that will go towards paying for this next cycle. This is such a blessing for us and we cannot express all of the donations and help we have gotten this cycle. I will throw out there that my next yard sale is tentatively schedule for October 17th. It will be in Bagley at my mom and dad's house. I will advertise more when it gets closer.
We have definitely stayed busy with our fur children the past couple of weeks. We competed in our first PSA trial the second weekend in September. We set very high goals for the weekend and while we did not make them, we did learn things and accomplished some things throughout the weekend. We did learn our dogs are divas and do not like to sit or down in wet grass.

We also competed in an event last weekend that is meant to truly test protection dogs. Our dogs did okay. We still have so much to work on but Daniel had a great time. I was very disappointed that I missed showing the dogs in the ABBA event which is something that keeps me involved with them. I also just enjoy the company of my fellow Alapaha people! Cannot wait to hear next years show schedule so we can start planning on attending them. 

Labor Day beach trip!!

I am loving my long weekend at the beach with my family! Such a great time of relaxation before all of the doctors visits and dog shows start in the next month! My clinic wanted me to come in last week to have a chat before our next cycle starts. All went well besides the fact she surprised me with a Pap smear and lots of blood work😛 but hopefully all comes back fine so we can get started. They do want me to have a saline sonography done that will make sure my tubes and all are not blocked off and I will be scheduling that this week. We are already maxed out on all the meds so it looks like I will be on the same protocol as before and just hoping for good quality eggs.
We are doing a 31 fundraiser online to raise money for IVF. I have sent out some invites on Facebook but if you haven't gotten one and want to order then let me know!! It is online so if you are out of state you are welcome to order through the Facebook event page. We are having one at my friends house later in September for my work friends but if you want to see something in person let me know and I will get you the details! Thanks everyone for your thoughts, prayers, and donations!!

Starting to Pay off

I am happy to announce that we have finally paid off the first round of IVF!! Woohoo! Working extra hours, picking up two new jobs and really working on saving money has paid off! I am still making monthly payments on round two so it is showing awesome progress. I have a 31 party fundraiser coming up next month that I am really excited about and also my yard sale. I will probably shoot for early October for it since we have three dog events in September. We will be super busy! Cannot wait to see how the hard work with the dogs has paid off. We were really excited to get offer to breed Taz for the first time this weekend so we made a quick trip to Jacksonville, Florida to see what the stud can do. Also more money to go into our IVF fund. Super excited and nervous about this round. I feel like this will be it for a while. I have talked to a few people about adoption and feeling very drawn to that possibility if this  time is a fail. We will see. I cannot give up on the idea of carrying a child just yet. But on a lighter note, Taz may be becoming a father the same month Daniel will! 
http://www.gofundme.com/ycac5g

Are you there Lord?

Sometimes we all ask this question. I know I have the last couple of years! In church this morning, my Dad talked about even David and Jesus asked this question. Why have you forsaken me? In truth God is always there. He lets things happen to us, his distance seems far so that when he does answer we know it is him. He is always there and has his hands in all things. Sometimes he lets things go further than we think they should. It's not up to our plans. I have to remind myself of these things. I have had the pleasure of talking to so many great people due to infertility. I have started a whole business for myself because of infertility. I am getting healthy due to infertility. I am getting tougher due to infertility. All due to God. Don't get me wrong! I pray every day that I "fall Pregnant" ( I HATE that term). I pray multiple times a day that October is the month for us. Because I don't know how to handle it if it is not. I know God will get me through it. But you guys know I am a grudge holder.
I wanted to update you guys on our fundraiser efforts! In September two dear friends are going to help me out by doing a 31 party to help with our IVF funds. So be on the lookout for that! 31 makes great gifts and you can get some Christmas shopping done early! Beachbody coaching is going great! I never knew I had it in me to reach out to people and meet strangers, but I am glad I did. My coach Brynn is a fellow infertile myrtle and to see how she has transformed her life through coaching has amazed me and I hope to be a 1/4 of the coach she is. Going into my third month I have almost signed enough clients to secure my free ticket to the convention next year, but the month is young and I will make it! I have my first coach leading her first challenge group and signed her first challenger which is exciting for me to see! I am also gathering more stuff to have another yard sale hopefully in September when it cools down a little.
Next month I will start my birth control once again and start the process all over again. I would appreciate prayers for Daniel and I for strength and understanding. Pray for our schedule to fall into place so that we do not have to worry about work. I pray for every one of you guys daily. You have no idea how much everything you guys have done has impacted us! Love you!!

 http://www.gofundme.com/ycac5g

Working Hard for the Money

So we have set a potential date... October 2015 we will hopefully try IVF again. It seems like a long time away, but that gives me even more time to try to pay off at least one of our previous tries. I started the nurse and nurture company this week and had my first client. I worked some overtime last week at the hospital. Next week I will also be attempting to make some extra money donating plasma. I have also set a date for my first yard sale. It will be July 17th at 8am at my house at 1340 Patton rd. Bessemer, al 35023. I live out in the woods so I do not anticipate this one doing very well, but wanted to try before having to haul the stuff all over creation. Any donation are greatly appreciated! I have also broken down and made a gofundme.com page. I will not post this frequently. I do not want to beg people for money, but I have had a few people say they wished I had an account so they could support us. We just do not feel right about asking for that since we do still have extracurricular activities. So do with it what you will.
www.gofundme.com/ycac5g

My latest business venture has been such a blessing. I have signed on with Beachbody as a coach and have loved this company! I am a very shy person and thought the coach thing would never work for me, but I have bonded with some pretty great people. My coach is going the infertility treatments and eventually will try IVF with the money she has made through Beachbody. I am currently on day 9 of the 21 day fix and working with a group of ladies in a challenge group. As of last week I had already lost 6 inches! I am eating so much better with this program and making time to work out every day. There is also a sale going on through this month on the 21 day fix, so if you have been on the fence now is the time to order it! Shoot me an email at jmvines@uabmc.edu or a message on facebook and I will hook you up!

Operation Baby Vines

So things have been hard since May, but we are getting by. We had two dog shows that helped provide a much needed getaway and distraction. Love meeting new dog people and spending time with our old ones! They did well in their first protection competition. We know we need to work on somethings and this competition showed that, but next time we will come up bigger and better! We went to the ABBA (Alapaha Blue Blood Bulldog Association) dog show in Dallas. It was wet and dirty, but we had a blast! We met some great people and dogs from Canada. I got to get some pointers and try my shot at judging. Rose won Reserve Champion in the second show! We also got to see what our dogs would do (and not do) in the water.

I have recently began two new adventure in my life. We are trying our best to conserve money and raise money so that we can try IVF again. I have been torn about wether to give up and do the adoption thing. I am not oppose to adoption and would not mind adopting at some point in our lives. But it is so hard to give up when we got so close last time. Just knowing that I can see a positive pregnancy test make me want to keep trying to have our own family at this time. So... in order to do that I need to make some extra money. I have decided to have a big yard sale at some point to help raise funds for this. I am hoping for it to take place on a Saturday in June or July at David's Pharmacy. I just have to get some final plans nailed down and get all this stuff organized. I also have gotten two new jobs in the past week. I will be working as a nurse at Nurse and Nurture part time where I will be staying at client's houses during the night caring for their newborns while they catch up on some sleep. I am hoping I can get a couple of nights a month doing this and working full time at the hospital. I also have started working as a Beachbody coach. This scares me more than anything.  I have gained quite a bit of weight throughout this fertility journey and though I have tried exercise, diet has been hard to stick to. I will be starting a 21 Day Fix challenge group in June that incorporates 15-30 minute exercise each day with a diet plan that helps you learn how to control your portions with healthy choices. I am excited for this challenge to begin because I know that i will see mad results. I will be sending out invites this week or you can email me at jmvines@uabmc.edu if you are interested.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings and caring about my life. It has really awed my family to know how many people follow me and pray for me! Love you guys!!

One week

That is how long I got to enjoy being pregnant. Friday I went to dr and my numbers tripled. We all rejoiced. What a miracle. I was finally pregnant. Dr was excited but wanted to see me Monday for one more Beta blood test before an ultrasound was schedule. Friday at work I began to cramp. That is normal they said. Then I began to spot. Also normal especially for IVF. Saturday I had terrible cramps and bright red blood. I held it together for Daniel. I didn't want to lose hope. I read many stories where women had this happen and are happy with their babies now. As the weekend went on I did lose hope. This morning I woke up and took a test and it was barely there. The last hint of my baby hanging on. Went and got my blood work done and as long as no one looked at me I held it together. Just got the call back from the doctor and it's not good. Number dropped to 25. I get to stop all my meds and take some pain medicine. I guess there is always a silver lining. I just don't know what to do. We were so close! Why would God give us an opportunity for a miracle and take it away? When do we get our happily ever after?

The Waiting Game

So as most of you read before I was struggling to hold back the urge to POAS. I didn't fight to hard a took my first test on Sunday. Negative... I told myself that the test was out of date so that got me through that day. I had bought tests a long time ago on clearance and had a variety, but they were all expired. Monday I woke up and took another kind...Negative. I was slowly beginning to think that adoption was a great option. I began to come up with fundraisers in my head that would help us raise money to help a child that was not our own. Over the weekend I found Early Response tests buy one get one free. What a deal! But this would mean there were no excuses. I bought them and woke up Tuesday morning and took the new kind. I got in the shower, no reason to sit and stare at it. I got out and there were two lines there. I couldn't believe it. Daniel was asleep so I didn't wake him. I enjoyed that piece of happy news all day at work. My mind was still reeling and my stomach in knots. I got home and surprise Daniel with the test and we both agreed not to get too excited until we got the blood test back.
So today was the day. I went in and got stuck and spent the rest of my day with Ginger. However, before I left to meet her I got the call... my blood test was positive. My doctor still seemed a little guarded. My beta was 56 and she said anything above 50 they are happy with. Of course I have to be on the edge. This journey will never be on the straight path, always has to have curves and bumps. She was excited about where we are at and asked me to come back Friday to retest. From there we may have another beta test or schedule an ultrasound!! I cannot wait to share the rest of this journey with you guys. I of course went to both of our parents and told them. Everyone is ecstatic! I am still scared to death that this can be short lived. I don't know at what point I will be able to relax and enjoy, but I hope it comes soon! Thanks to everyone who has texted and prayed!

Sitting Waiting Wishing

I don't know if it is the frappacino I just drank, but I just got anxiety about wanting to POAS (pee on a stick). I was looking up my "due date" online (January 12, 2016) and it said today is the first day I would posibly see a positive on a test. I am holding out till test day so I still have a ways to go, but that overwelming need to know hit me today! Many have asked how I am feel and I feel pregnant. Thanks to the medications I am on I will feel pregnant until I stop taking them even if I test negative. My boobs hurts, I am exhausted, bloated and was having cramps up until today. Hopefully that means that our little rascal has latched on for the long haul. I appreciated the prayers and the word of encouragement. This baby is already so loved! I just hope he or she makes it to see how much!

PUPO

Pregnant until proven otherwise...

That is what we call it in the infertility world. I have an embryo inside of my uterus and it's job is to implant. There is not anything I can really do at this point to help it. There are rumors that eating pineapple core helps with this, but who knows. Yes I will probably try it, but how can you really tell if that is what did it. We did most of the work for this little guy so hopefully he/she can get its act together do the rest itself!!

Transfer went very well yesterday. The emotion of it all came crashing down on me that morning. The progesterone and the estrogen clashed their ugly heads and cried pretty much half the day. It was supposed to be a beautiful moment, but i was heartbroken that only one embryo made it to transfer. Just one. So that means this could be it for us. We have not discussed trying this again. We now have two huge loans to pay off just from IVF x 2. So this is it for now. It is a lot of pressure for this one little embryo to have on it. We will know in about two weeks if this little rascal stuck. Keep us in your prayers. The Two Week Wait is not any fun and I may go crazy lol. I will analyze every cramp and pain and probably pee on 14 sticks. But when I get my blood drawn on that day, this heartache may be over. I know that pregnancy isn't for the weak of heart. That I will also worry like crazy with it too, but just knowing that I have a little human being inside of me will be the biggest blessing I could ask for. Last time I did not post a picture of our embryo, but I want you guys to see exactly who you are praying for! This is Baby Vines...


                                                 

God will provide

I know many have been waiting for updates but due to being a little sad about it I have been putting it off. I know I need to be happy with what we have but I have wanted things to go a certain way. I forget that God has a plan and it may not be the same as ours. So right now we are left with the fertilized mature embryo. I had prayed for all 9 to make it this far because they may stop growing even now and wanted more room to breathe. But we have what we have. These three embryo could be the babies God intended for us to have. Three is more than what some people end up with so I am dealing. My doctor called to give us a time for transfer on Monday. We will do it at one pm. She said they may update her tomorrow and she may let us know something tomorrow if things have gotten bad. Fingers crossed!! Also be in prayers because of enough isn't going on I went to dermatologist yesterday and had a place biopsied for skin cancer. I will know more about that in a week. Love you guys!

Egg Retrieval Take 2

So just a quick update. Retrieval went as expected. They were able to retrieve 9 follicles and will fertilize those this evening. I am feeling alright. Very tender and crampy so trying to just take it easy. Thanks everyone for the thoughts and prayers. Tomorrow we will find out how many matured and fertilized overnight!

Dry Mouth after Midnight

So tomorrow is the big day! We will retrieve all of my potential children from my ovaries that were produces this month! From what the doctor could see it will be between 8-10 follicles. Fingers crossed that some were hiding out or out of those follicles one or two are my miracles babies! I gave my trigger shot last night at 9pm. The typical red, itchy whelp has formed. Wednesday morning we arrive at doctos office at 0730 and will sign consents, get stuck for an IV and Daniel will contribute his little swimmers. Have I mentioned that I can have no food or drink after midnight? Usually not a big deal for me because I am in bed by eleven, but God knows I will be wide awake tonight. I am pretty nervous that one of the many factors going into this process will fail us. There is just so much that has to go right for us to end up with a baby at the end of all of this. I have stayed so positive through it all, but the last day or two the devil has put negative thoughts in my mind. I just have to keep on trucking and by this time next month we will know if we are pregnant or not!

When I needed a hand, I found your paw

 I am sure that some people roll their eyes and think "another dog picture?!?" on my Facebook or instagram page. But until that is all you have, you don't understand. These are our children.Zoe and Bella have been there through the death of our first love Vega. They were sad and licked our tears away as we made the decision to let her go to doggy heaven. Daniel had always wanted an Alapaha so we figured that was the perfect time. Taz came into our lives right after my first surgery for the pre cancer on my cervix. He gave me sweet puppy kisses when I was hurting and scared. He filled the hole in our hearts as we longed for a child. We had fun learning and stressing over how to train a dog of this size. We then had a wonderful opportunity to add to our family with Rose. She joined our family after we decided that IVF was going to be the way we had to go. I never wanted another big dog after Vega. I love my little dogs and they are much easier to manage. But these bulldogs have seriously pulled me in. Yes we take them everywhere because they enjoy being with us and trying new things. Training, traveling and showing has given us a distraction from the longing and depression of not getting pregnant. This weekend I took Taz to the Mutt Strutt at the UAB campus. We had a great time even though we got rained on a little bit. It was a fun way to get some exercise and to get out of the house.
                                              
 I had my ultrasound today after 7 days of stim drugs. My ultrasound Last week went great so I was anxious to see how things were progressing . Left ovary is still being dramatic and slow, but the right side looked great. My estrogen was 1750! To put it in perspective, last round at this point my estrogen was only 748 i think so much much better. We need higher estrogen because that means there are more eggs. So right now I will do another round of shots tonight and go back in the morning for more blood work and ultrasound. The prediction today was that I would do the trigger shot tomorrow night and will do retrieval on Wednesday. The trigger shot is given about 36 hours before retrieval because it induces ovulation in that timeframe. I am so thankful for God letting us get this far in the process. Things have just worked out so well this time and I can feel everyones prayers. It is amazing the response I have gotten from the blog and the people that I do not even know that have sent me encouragement!

Hit me with your Best Shot!

Whew! This week has been draining. Working four in a row, starting my period and starting hormone injections is not the best way to start a week. I went to the doctor on Thursday last week for my baseline before starting injections. The ultrasound was quiet, no cyst or follicles which is what we wanted. I got my blood work drawn and it was less than 20 which was perfect. I was instructed to start my meds on Saturday and come back to doctor today (Thursday). The shots have been extremely draining this time. I have wanted to do nothing but sleep. I went with my work buddies to see a movie on Tuesday and spent some time in Gadsden on Wednesday. Trying to keep myself surrounded with my favorites! Today I had a great doctors appointment. I had my favorite doctor and nurse! And I could actually see follicles this time! My left side was still being slow, but we found the ovary and it had a few follicles on it. My estrogen this time was 500 something. So things are looking promising! I will go back Sunday for more labs and ultrasound and hopefully a trigger shot date!

Exciting Shipment

So to continue from the last post, God works in mysterious ways! I finally got everything sorted out with the insurance. After talking with the insurance lady numerous times yesterday I just reassured by how everything is falling into place. We had been afraid that I have overzealously bought meds that would end up being covered through insurance. We found out that our insurance will cover $5000 of fertility meds a year and the Gonal-F itself is nearly $5000 so they would not be able to pay for the Menopur which is the med that I bought from the girl online. It's crazy! So it worked out perfectly.
So today I have waited on pins and needles for my meds to come in. I cannot explain the excitement to start sticking myself four times a day, but it just means we are that much closer to potentially have a baby in our arms. I will go for my baseline ultrasound on Thursday and pay for the IVF. Saturday will be my first shot! We are doing the Microdose Lupon 10 units in AM and PM. Then Sunday I will start Gonal F 300units and Menopur 150 units along with the Lupron. In the meantime I will be trying my best to relax and remain stress free!

Positive Vibes

Sorry I haven't been keeping updates coming. Kind of been boring the last few weeks. I have gotten potentially great news. Which is followed by not so great news, that I thought was good news. So after talking to a few friends at work I started to look into my medication coverage through my insurance. I noticed something funny on their website hinting at the fact that my meds could be covered. What?!? We just assumed from the get go that they were not and never would be. We had just accepted that when it comes to infertility coverage our insurance was a let down.  So I bugged our wonderful nurse at the clinic to send in a Prior Authorization to Caremark to see what happened. I got the call today that the Prior Authorization was approved by our insurance and she would pass it on to Caremark pharmacy. I am still holding my breath but this could mean that our meds have a copay instead of $4000-6000! The bad news is that I found a facebook page a couple of weeks ago of people selling their unused fertility meds that they had left over. I found a girl in California selling 20 vials of Menopur for $700 which would save us about $1300. So I jumped on it. I trusted this lady I never met and she came through. The meds came in and look perfect. So now I have spent $700 that I may not have needed to. But I never could have guessed that my meds would actually be covered.  Anyways! My first ultrasound is April 9th which is called baseline. They will make sure that the birth control did it's job and everything is quiet in there. No cysts. Estrogen low. Then it is on to the fun stuff. Injections will start that weekend! Yay! Finally! Cannot wait to stick myself four times a day. I am telling you infertility makes you crazy!

California Dreamin'

Well it is that time again, I was restarted on the birth control pill this past weekend with my period. I will be on it for about a month and then the fun stuff begins. Shots! Shots! Shots! As you can recall, we did not go forward with IVF in March because we had a special trip planned to California for a dog show. Boy was it a long trip! We had so much fun though. We went thinking we were going so Rose could get her last few point for Puppy Grand Champion, but Taz came out and surprised us winning first in both Adult Male shows and Reserved Champion in one of the shows. We also celebrated Rose's first birthday while we were there. We stopped at some fun places on our way like the Grand Canyon (which had about a foot of snow), Elvis's birthplace and Amarillo had some neat sites. The dogs had a blast having all the attention on them. We also took a tour of Los Angeles and experienced Hollywood BLVD., Venice Beach and the Farmer's market. One of my favorite parts though was going to Jimmy Kimmel Show. It was neat to be in the audience while he interviewed Naomi Watts and Reggie Miller. I am always a sucker when it comes to seeing celebrities. This was such a great trip to get our minds off of what is to come next month.

Taylor Swift and Angry Orchard

So I know a lot of my friends and family are anxiously waiting to hear good news. And here it is... I will get to see Taylor Swift in October at the Georgia Dome. I can now drink alcohol and Coke without feeling guilty. I also can work out as hard as my body can handle. These are all things a not pregnant person can do. Unfortunately my urine test was negative this morning. I am sad but not devastated. I mean there was a reason that we were doing in vitro in the first place so the thought that an IUI would work was kind of out there to me. But I just kept thinking what a story to tell! Just the thought that we could save so much money and it happen "naturally". I actually started to believe it myself.  So now what do we do? The next month we can do IVF is April due to it falling during our California trip in March so we will shoot for April. I will restart birth control in March so we have one more cycle to pull off a miracle baby. Shoot the way things are going a baby period will be a miracle for me. So let's say a natural baby! No preservatives or fillers. If not, April will be the month for us! Thanks for the prayers and texts. We really appreciate your support.

Easy Peasy

So today was the dreaded IUI (artificial insemination). In the past these have been barely short of torture. I have scar tissue from my previous surgery that closes up my cervix and makes this procedure extremely painful. I was excited, but very nervous. Daniel noticed that my doctors name wasn't on the door so that added to my anxiety. She had dealt with me enough to know my issues. We did however have our second favorite doctor and she rocked it! I felt no pain and it was quick and easy. I know there were prayers going up because we have not experienced a relaxing procedure during this whole ordeal until today. Daniel took me home so he could go to work. I hadn't been in the bed long when I started cramping so bad in my abdomen.  It was one of the worst pains i have ever felt. I panicked and was near the point of calling an ambulance. I took some pain meds, rubbed Dragon Time oil on my belly and got out my heating pad. The pain finally eased enough for me to nap a little. I am still very tender and hurting, but it is now bearable. I believe this is just a side of effect of ovulating with four large follicles. I will be started progesterone suppositories and estrogen twice a day tomorrow. So on to more hormones that not only make me crazy, but also feel pregnant. And in two week will come the pregnancy test! So keep praying and I will try to keep calm and relaxed for two weeks.  Here is also a pic of my precious socks that I wore for my appointment Monday!

May the Odds Ever be in Your Favor

I know that a lot of people have been waiting and praying for my appointment on Monday. My mystery ovary finally graced us with it's presence with one sad follicle. I could feel the prayers because I went to work and got through the day. I waited and waited for the doctor to call and I began to panic thinking they forgot me. If we were going to do retrieval on Wednesday then I had to do Pregnyl trigger shot Monday night so I had to know! Finally about 6pm I got the phone call. My doctor was having her doubts and quite frankly I was too. I told her that this is it for us. We don't have the money to keep this going so we have one shot. She told me that if she had to bet on a cycle this would not be it. She suggested something that I have read about online where the IVF cycle is cancelled but they go ahead and do an IUI (Artificial Insemination-or turkey baster😊). With only three or four large follicles it puts me in a great place for this to work, but there is also a risk for multiples due to not being able to control what is fertilized.  I feel like God is in control of all of this. Small things have happened in the last few days that have pointed to this road so I hope this is it for us!  I did my trigger shot last night and we will do the IUI Wednesday morning!

The Golddigging Ovary

So after looking back through my blog from the last IVF go around I feel like dejavu. I wrote almost the same thing after the third ultrasound last time.  I have had this hunch that things were not going well, but I have been trying to stay positive. From what I could tell on the ultrasound from Wednesday there just wasn't a lot going on. They hold the lab values hostage online for two days so I thought to look at the estrogen level from Wednesday on the way to the doctor this am. It was only 108. It seems low to me so this was the first question I had for the doctor this morning. She said that it was good as long as it was over 100. Of course I was right over the hump. So of course I start getting nervous. She looked at my lining and it was great. Moving on to the right ovary showed two nice sized follicles. Two... that's it. Her exact words were, "I would like to see 10 there but we have what we have." Why can't my ovaries be exceptional...just this once!! So we move on over to the left side and it was playing incognito. It was kind of funny at first, but 15 minutes and two doctors later digging a vaginal ultrasound rod around in there it quit being funny. They found nothing. And of course they said that usually when an ovary cannot be found that means that nothing is growing on it. Nothing!! After thousands of dollars of medication and there is nothing there?? And then she says the words... "Do not be sad about this, your left ovary is just expensive" Hah!! Have you met me, the crazy hormonal lady on drugs that make me an emotional wreck?? I mean yes I hold it together through all of this stuff, but one inkling of negativity and I fall apart. The doctor tells me that I will probably start the drug that pretty much puts my reproductive system on pause tonight and will continue the other drugs until Monday. I will then come in for another ultrasound and blood work to see if things have progressed.  Can I also mention that the nice lab lady blew my vein in my hand which also made me cry. I am telling you I am going crazy.

One of the doctors calls later to tell me that my estrogen is 421 which probably means I have around 4 nice follicles right now. I ask what happens if things don't look better by Monday and he says that we will cross that bridge when we get there. Yes we will, but I need time to think about it and come to terms if they decide to cancel this cycle. I work Monday and I do not want to be basket case all day! That will not look good. I want all my options and possibilities. But I guess we will be waiting till Monday!
I came home and started cooking. I had this vision last week to make all of these meals I can freeze and cook later. So far this weekend I have made two pans of Chicken Tetrazzini, Chicken and Dressings, Two Pot Roasts. and 8 chimichangas for work. Tomorrow I plan to make a pan of baked spaghetti and baked ziti and homeade hot pockets. After I got through with my cooking I have relaxed with my little dogs which always makes me feel better.

Happy Birthday to Me!!

So in true infertile fashion, I got to ring in my birthday with a lovely vaginal ultrasound and blood work. Bright and early I was at the doctor getting an ultrasound after three days of injections. The injections are going great. They said on the ultrasound things look good and the call I got today said to keep doing what I am doing and they will recheck Saturday. Why the frequent doctors appointments you ask? Here is a little rundown of what they are looking for. (These are not my ultrasounds)

This is what a baseline ultrasound looks like...

There isn't much to see. In fact most of the time that cannot even locate one of mine.
Next we have a measurement of the endometrial lining...

This is the lining of the uterus and the thickness of this tells how receptive the uterus is to the implantation of an embryo.  So the ovaries and the endometrial lining are checked each ultrasound.
So the reason for ultrasounds every couple of days is this...

Not sure what day this is but this is probably close to what my ovaries look like now. This is one ovary with about nine follicles in it. They said today that I have about half that (hopefully they will keep splitting) but as I keep giving these shots, the follicles will keep growing. Some people can produce tons of follicles (kind of wish I had a little of this problem) so ultrasounds are need to stop the ovaries from overstimulating. Also they are watching this little follicles grow so we can catch them at just the right time to be taken out. If they wait too long I will ovulate and we will lose them all. If they take them too soon we could end up with just one (or none) mature egg and the others arrest. So this is why the frequent dr's visits are necessary. Its a lot of work on the doctors and nurses part to time this just right. Hope this give you guys some insight into the scientific part of the journey.

So other than the doctor visit, I was able to get it an arms workout with my trainer this am, a yummy lunch with Shannon at Slice and a relaxing massage! Now I am hoping for a chill evening with my hubby and the mutts since I have to work in the morning.

Baseline Ultrasound Day!

So yesterday was the official start to all this madness! I had a baseline estrogen check and ultrasound all before work in the morning. The office is very efficient about getting me in and out thankfully. We ran into a little road bump drawing blood thanks to my veins not wanting to show themselves. It seems like the more water I drink the worse they become. So once again the had to draw out of my hand (OUCH!!). The ultrasound went great and everything there looked good to go. She said I should be expecting a period any day now and hopefully it will be the last one for a long time!! I got a call later in the day telling my my estrogen level was 20 which was perfect and I am good to go to start shots tomorrow. So excited that this day is finally here! Tonight we are going to eat with my family at the Melting Pot for my Dad's and my birthday and I will celebrating a good first day of the process. I have to take these days one at a time and be happy for the positives, because I learned last time that there will be negatives and I have to stay stress free about those things! Also here are appointment #2 socks! Thanks everyone for your prayers and encouragements. It has touched me greatly of the amount of people who ask and care about mine and Daniel's journey to become parents. I welcome all of the tips and tricks and opinions.

Good-Bye Birth Control!

Yes I know it sounds strange but I have been on birth control for about a month and a half.
You’ll be on birth control pills from 14 to 21 days. Taking these may seem counterproductive, however they do an important thing. They help get your hormones under some kind of exact control in the cycle just before your actual IVF cycle. Using them has proved to also reduce your chances of Ovarian Hyperstimulation and ovarian cysts, therefore increasing your chances for a successful IVF. 

As I learned the last cycle, the BCP is the start of the craziness. I have been so emotional since I have started them. I am not sure if it is a mental thing knowing that we are about to start the process again, but geez!! How was I on these things for 5-6 years. Maybe that explains a lot of my craziness during those years. So yes today is my first day off the pills. I will go for a baseline ultrasound Friday morning to make sure everything looks calm in there. Super excited to start my relationship back with the vaginal ultrasound machine. It is seriously terrible. And Sunday is the magic day as the start of stims (injections.). This time I will be giving two injections each night for a little while. Until things start looking impressive.

To help take my mind off of all the fun, today started my celebration of my birthday! I got to eat with my sweet friend Ginger at Brio! My trainer will not be happy to know that I have meals lined up all week to celebrate me!! I also have really been trying to put effort into my diet. I tried avocado for the first time this week in guacamole and tomorrow I will be drinking a smoothie with a whole avocado in it.

Eating avocados and dressing salads with olive oil could help women trying to have a baby through IVF, researchers claim.

Foods typically eaten as part of the Mediterranean diet may triple the chances of success for women having the fertility treatment.

A study found monounsaturated fat – found in olive oil, sunflower oil, nuts and seeds – was better than any other kind of dietary fat for would-be mothers. Those who ate the highest amounts were 3.4 times more likely to have a child after IVF than those who ate the lowest amounts.

In contrast, women who ate mostly saturated fat, found in butter and red meat, produced fewer good eggs for use in fertility treatment.

US experts behind the study believe monounsaturated fats – which are already known to protect the heart – could improve fertility by lowering inflammation in the body.

I will be updating more frequently as the week goes on! Stay tuned to check out my new socks for my ultrasound on Friday!!